and that has made all the difference

to: charlie
from: laurie
re: a few crystallized thoughts

Advice is a funny thing. You get it all the time even if you don’t ask for it and you rarely take it. Even more rare is to follow the advice you give. I am no dr. phil but I like to think I give pretty good advice.

You and you alone are responsible for your own happiness (that’s an original) I can’t tell you how many times I have told someone that. Happiness really is within our reach and I think there is a lot to be said for deciding to be happy. There is always something in your life to make the glass half full – isn’t there? Living by this truism also prevents anyone (myself included) from allowing their happiness to be determined by the actions of others. I know it’s close to impossible – but recent events have reminded me that it’s the best way to go into everyday. I promise that if you try it, I will do the same.

You know, there is nothing greater than deciding in your life that things maybe really are black and white! (drew baylor) I think we may be the only people who love this movie and cry every time we watch it. So how could I not include my most valuable piece of wisdom gleaned from drew. I don’t think I really understood what he meant here until a few weeks ago. Something is this or that – there are literally no BUTS in life. If you have to explain or justify then something is wrong. Someone is a good friend or their not, a good boyfriend or a crap one, a person who respects you or doesn’t. Once you eliminate the in-betweens life gets a little less complicated. And making life less complicated and being pragmatic is pretty empowering. Especially when you can finally put certain people in that bad friend/boyfriend category and begin to clean up the in-between and move on.

He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. (j.r.r. tolkien) this man is so smart, so how could we ignore what he tells us. Sometimes you have to break something right open, shatter it to find out how is really worked and more importantly what it was made of. For me this meant literally breaking me. Breaking apart who I thought I was and who I thought I was going to be. Oddly enough one crack lead to another and I started understanding other relationships in a different light. I would never call myself wise but I would like to think that since breaking things apart I have gotten to know others and myself a whole lot better. And consequently been able to take the previous piece of advice.

I can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else. But in the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself (the weepies). How could a song not inspire me? First of all I could go on for hours with all the lyrics that have made met think or all the songs that have lived on repeat. But at this particular moment in my life this one applies the most. First, it’s the weepies – and you know how we feel about them. Second, it gets at the challenge I am facing right now. Taking steps forward – alone. My friends are my life. They are the people who have challenged me celebrated me and more important simply been there for me. However, for all their outstanding and marvelous effort it has always been me who had to make the tough decisions and follow though. I can only make these steps, however, knowing they are there to catch me. Knowing that I can’t step back but if I waver they keep me steady. And this love, because that’s what a great friendship is, love, allows me to follow 1-3. I now know that I will never really fail as long as I have quality people around me.

Not sure why I am listing out all this advice for you, not that you need it at the moment. But a few things have crystallized for me in the past month and having you there has made all the difference. I am sure that I will read this in a few years and laugh at myself thinking I had it all straightened out. When I know I have tons more heartbreak and happiness to live though. But maybe knowing, knowing I don’t know what coming – but that I am ready for it, maybe that will help. More importantly knowing that whatever it is I can take it with you.